As someone who, despite my official "unaffiliated" status, has voted for every Democrat since Mike "The Duke" Dukakis, I reckon I'm part of the America-Hating Left by default. However, around the Fourth of July, I do like to take time out from my busy schedule (advancing world socialism, lobbying for mandatory abortions and gay marriage for everyone, chaining myself to spotted owls, drinking the blood of Christian babies, etc.) to think about some things I actually love about this country.
There are quite a few things. What follows is a list, in no particular order, and not complete by any means.
Iconic American foods. Such as the hot dog (pictured here), which is so very stereotypically American that of course it turns out to have its origins in Vienna. However, in the great American tradition of taking raw materials from elsewhere and transforming them into an entirely new creation (see also: hip-hop), the humble wiener really found its voice, so to speak, in Coney Island. And the meat processors' thrift in using some of the more obscure parts of livestock to create hot dogs hearkens back to the Native Americans' desire to use every part of the buffalo they respectfully slew.
(The above picture is my own hand, by the way, holding a 'dog I was about to consume at a July 4th community celebration in 2001. The memories -- and parts of the actual hot dog, I'm sure -- are still with me six years later.)
Other enjoyable United States of American foods: barbecue, hamburgers, unlikely deep-fried stick-impaled objects found at State Fairs, and those foil-wrapped burritos that are the size of your forearm.
The grand tradition of American musical theater. Giving us such classics as "My Fair Lady" (set in London), "South Pacific" (set in the South Pacific), and "Oklahoma" (set in Burkina Faso). I think "The Music Man" was on TV every July Fourth of my youth. ("My Fair Lady" was on every Easter. What was up with that?)
"Roadrunner," the classic Modern Lovers song. With exemplary Yankee ingenuity, Jonathan Richman takes, like, one and a half chords and turns them into a Zen parable of drivin' around at night, "going faster miles an hour," listening to the radio, and falling in love. When Jonathan chants "One, two, three, four, five, six!" at the beginning, he's not just counting off the start of the song -- he's counting off the start of the Great American Adventure, with all the optimism and joy and promise that a four-minute punk song can hold.
And, for that matter, "Road Runner," the classic series of Warner Brother cartoons. But -- metaphorically speaking -- is America the Road Runner, lord of the open highway, unperturbedly shaking off all predators without once losing his native optimism? Or are we the Coyote, too clever for our own good, unable with all of our advanced technology to master an elusive foe (in the desert, no less!), despite frequent escalations, always ending up hoist on our own Acme-brand petard? Maybe we're both. Maybe we're neither. Maybe we're actually Foghorn Leghorn. Or maybe Foghorn Leghorn is actually Robert Byrd. Or Fred Thompson. Unless Fred Thompson is actually Deputy Dawg.
Las Vegas. Oh, man, Las Vegas. I mean, I've never been there, but it's gotta be awesome, right? I guess I just love the idea of Las Vegas, the fact that it exists. I heard somebody on a PBS "American Experience" show say that Las Vegas is, like, a microcosm of American society or something. And yet, somehow, there still isn't a plaque, or a statue, or a signpost in that town for Moe Greene!
The military. I'm not really on board with everything the military gets asked to do by its political commanders-in-chief, and maybe its presence in certain parts of the world causes more harm than good, but overall I think it's a better thing to have a military than not to have one. Maybe (probably) I'm naive. Still, there was that whole thing where they helped stop the reign of Fascism in Europe a few decades ago. That was pretty cool. So, yeah. I'm glad for the military... and I'm really glad I'm not in it.
James Brown. What's more American than James Brown? Singing about America? In a "Rocky" movie? In the "Rocky" movie where Rocky fights an evil commie, and thus, by proxy, the entire goddamned Evil Empire? And wins? Nothing, that's what. James is dead now, just like Apollo Creed in "Rocky IV," but their truth goes marching on.
Shitty American beer. Nobody seems to create cheap beer, that unifying elixir of the proletariat, better than us. Of course, I have only the cheap beer of this country to judge by. And in America, most of the cheap beer is so weak you can have it for breakfast. In the past, I've tended to lean toward the Champagne of Beers, but lately I'm trying to break out of my comfort zone and sample other cheap suds. I tried Schlitz and found it not horrible, but maybe my palate's totally out of whack. Maybe I'm supposed to hate it. I know I don't care much for Budweiser, and I can't find anything in particular wrong with PBR, except maybe it's been too heavily embraced by hipsters lately.
And finally, America's where all my stuff is.
So. Anything to add, my fellow Americans? (Non-Americans can participate too. I guess.)
Happy Independence Day, The Internet!
Uncle Sam image from adtcomedy.com. The picture of the hot dog and the picture of the sparkler -- I took those myself. Both photos feature parts of my actual left hand!
Despite the fact that so much of the news I read and see makes me despair for my fellow Americans, I heart the USA just as much as any flag wavin' jingoist. I was watching a citizenship ceremony on a news show the other day, and I'll admit it brought a tear to my eye.
All my stuff is here too. yes.
Posted by: pinky | July 03, 2007 at 03:53 PM
Joey Chestnut has reclaimed the hot dog eating crown for America. He downed 66 frickin' Nathan's dogs (with buns) in 12 minutes -- 3 better than reigning 6-year champion Takeru Kobayashi of Japan who beat Chestnut in 2006 (53-3/4 to ~52).
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/news/story?id=2925803
What impresses me is how the world record keeps jumping almost every year. In 1991, the 12 minute record was 21.1/2 HDBs (hot dogs and buns), held by an American. In the next 10 year, the record slowly moved up to 25-1/8 (with champions from Japan and the US). Then Kobayashi showed up and DESTROYED that record by eating 50 HDBs in 2001.
Kobayashi continued to set occasional new world records by marginal amounts through 2006 (when he got up to 53-3/4) but it took Chestnut showing up to launch them both to new heights.
3-minute mile, anyone?
Posted by: Phil | July 04, 2007 at 02:18 PM
I enjoyed this post IS. My guy had to leave for work at 4:25 this morning, so after he left I was coffeed up and looking for some blog time, and your 4th of July post hit the spot with the rising sun. I'm 90% with you. Except Las Vegas and the military. Last time I was in LV, it was crappy food, watered-down drinks, and seedy lodging. But this was 20 years ago and I hear things are a little more upscale these days...And while I agree having a military is conceptually good, the people who readily join have the oddest vibe. I work near a base, so I'm exposed to it. The vibe is similar to the kind of vibe I get from people who hunt for sport. Kind of chilling..
Thanks for Stevie and the Road Runner!
Posted by: Judy | July 05, 2007 at 09:49 AM
As a naturalized citizen (or as I like to put it, a born-again American), here's a few of the things particular to America that I love (there are many more but these are superficial ones that just pop into my head)
a) The willingness to be goofy in public
b) The idea of the 1950s. Not the real one but the one seen in TV and movies
c) The idea of high school. Again, the movie and TV version
d) The idea of big Jewish or Italian families with the attendant drama and good food and hearty family gatherings. See b) and c)
e) Every incarnation of chocolate and peanut butter that Reese's produces
f) Freedom and liberty and give us your tired and poor blah blah blah
Posted by: Marianne | July 05, 2007 at 02:41 PM