Idiom Savant

Someone In This Room Is... A Murderer!

I'm sure everybody in the world has seen this by now, but this little guy has been giving me no end of delight recently:

All hail Drama Prairie Dog!

I'm A Rocker. I Rock Out.

Apparently, I have the same ringtone as Indie Rock Pete.

I don't know what this says about me.

I do know this: Every time the phone rings on The Simpsons, I think it's my phone for about a half-second.  So I guess my phone, Indie Rock Pete's phone, and the sound effects people on The Simpsons all use the same generic "old-fashioned telephone ring" ringtone.

Hankering, Gross, Mystical, Nude

Although I do suspect that resorting to answering the Friday Five is the last refuge of the lazy blogger (in this case, me) who can't think of anything original to say -- and although the questions below aren't even from the current Friday Five -- I'm answering these anyway, because they're about nekkidness and what the hell.

1. Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?

No.  Partly because I can barely swim, but also partly because, as far as I can remember, the opportunity has never presented itself.  I guess I have tended to hang out with non-skinny-dipping crowds -- or, if I have been hanging out with recidivist skinny-dippers, it has been away from large bodies of water.  Maybe this is the kind of thing where one can't wait around for fate to intervene, and I should be proactive and create my own skinny-dipping opportunities.  Keep your eyes on the police blotter; if you read about a midnight visit by the police to my apartment complex's pool, you'll know I have finally seized the day.

2. When you're home alone, do you strip down to get comfortable? Do you ever go out without underwear (bra and/or panties) because it's more comfortable?

I will almost always take everything out of my pockets, and take off my shoes and my watch, as soon as I get home.  But I usually don't disrobe unless it's absolutely necessary.  I find that I'm actually a little more comfortable wearing something, albeit something loose and unbinding.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe it's security -- I feel a little bit protected.  Or maybe I just really am that repressed, when you get right down to it.

However, I am, as I'm sure regular Idiom Savant readers are weary of me mentioning by now, a prodigious sweater.  So, sometimes, in the summer, after I shower, I need to sit in front of a fan for a while in an attempt to completely dry off.

And, yes, I go out every day without a bra and/or panties.  Saucy!  However, I usually do wear man-type underwear.

3. Have you ever/Do you use the bathroom with the door open? Are you comfortable using public facilities?

At home, alone, yes.  But I would not use the bathroom with the door open if there were somebody else around.  (Please feel free to correct me -- and accept my belated apologies -- if I'm forgetting something.)  I'm OK in public facilities, although I tend to get skittish at the urinal if there are others there.  I'll head for a stall if one's available.  And I have big problems at pee troughs, like the ones you find in sports venues.

4. When getting intimate with your significant other, lights on or off?

No significant other at the moment, but usually, off.  But this might not have much to do with modesty.  Without my glasses -- and it's safe to assume I wouldn't be wearing glasses, unless there was some need for protective eyewear, like if we were using power tools or something -- I'm almost completely blind.  And if I can't see anything, why should she?  Fair's fair.

5. How comfortable are you with body exposure/nudity of others? Group shower rooms?, topless/nude beaches?, breastfeeding in public?

Well, as I suggested in the first answer, I don't hang out with naked people often.  (No offense, naked people.  Give me a call sometime; we'll set something up.)  I haven't been in a group shower since the college dorms, and the one time I was on a purportedly topless beach (South Beach in Miami), everyone seemed to be wearing tops.  I'm cool with breastfeeding in public, although I am often just a little startled when I see it, because I don't see it that often and I'm not really used to it, I guess.  Nothing at all wrong with it -- just something I don't see everyday.  But the higher brain functions kick in fairly instantaneously, and I think, "Oh.  Kid's having lunch.  Right on." 

So, I guess, to sum up -- there's nothing inherently morally wrong or dirty about nudity per se.  For many reasons (mostly having to do with us not having fur), it's practical for humans to wear clothes, and so in most situations, we do so.  I'm not going to pretend I don't like looking at naked people (see Jenna Fischer post, below), but that has more to do with context as well as social conditioning.  Like, I'm sure if naked Jenna Fischer was my roommate or something, and I became acclimated to her presence, it would eventually be no big deal and we would start bitching at each other for peeing with the bathroom door open or something.

I'm sure I've contradicted myself or have been inadvertently troglodytic or offensive several times within the course of this post.  My pretenses to being "evolved" and "with-it" to the contrary, I'm just as much of a seething cauldron of bourgeois repression and shameful lust as any other 20th- or 21st-century American.  It's enough to make me relieved I don't have to deal with naked people very often.