Also, I'm Pre-Emptively Regretting Stuff I'll Do in the Future

  Time In A Bottle

1) 10 years ago what did you think you would be doing now?
In 1996, I was afraid I might be working retail forever, never to find my true calling, whatever that is. I still haven't found it. I might have still harbored fantasies of writing comedy professionally or in some way being a professional humorist. Still not sure how to break into that game. I probably also thought I'd be married by now.

2) Where do you think you will be in 5 years from now?
I really hate questions like these. I have no vision, no plan. If I'm still on the right side of the dirt in 5 years, I'm calling that a victory.

3) Do you live life one day at a time or look to the future?
One day at a time, if that. Some days demand a "one hour at a time" approach.

4) Do you wish you could go back in time and undo something in your life?
Regrets? I've had a few. Lord, where do I start? Mostly the times when I unnecessarily or unwittingly hurt other people.

5) If you could send a message back in time and give a younger version of yourself some advice, what would it be?
"Don't worry so much. Half the stuff you're worried about right now will end up being no big deal later on. On the other hand, there is some stuff you're not worried about right now that you probably should be. Here, I took the liberty of compiling an exhaustive list. You'll note there are two columns... What? Oh, this is Microsoft Excel. Many of the future events of your life will revolve around it in some way. Oh, and I forgot; your skin will never completely clear up."

Comments

[Jenny P.]

OOOh, can we respond?
1) in 1996 I had just moved here to the CH area. I guess I thought I would be a linguistics professor. HAH!
2) I HOPE I will have continued to grow, both personally and professionally. That's vague, eh? Well, that makes it easier to attain. Unless I regress.
3) I totally live life one day at a time. I don't plan, never really have. I think it's not in my personality.
4) I'd have never started smoking. EASY.
5) I'd tell little Jenny to lighten up on herself, to keep taking dance lessons and playing soccer, and to get in the habit off keeping her house/room clean. Oh, and to get therapy, STAT!

[Phil]

1) This time in 1996 I was beginning my descent into anxiety-riddled career hell, which fortunately squeezed itself out into a voluntary layoff in September and a new career as an independent consultant.

3) One future day at a time. (Ha.)

4) "Regrets? I've had a few."

5) "Authority figures (especially teachers) do not like it when you make them look less smart than you, in public. Yes, I know that's hard to believe, but it's really true."

[michelle]

1. Ten years ago I was still in college, unsure of what I would make of my life...and I'm still not sure. I stuck with the plan of getting out of my back-water hometown, but other than that... I did have a sweet job as the ticket girl at the movie theater though.

2. Not the slightest idea. I hope to not be a cat lady, and finally make it to Europe, but other than that, no plans. My plans have the tendency to go horribly awry - in the immortal words of Homer, "The lesson is to not even try."

3. See the "awry" comment above.

4. I'd have to start my own blog for this one, so I'll just narrow it down to not going to Europe when I had the chance. That segues nicely into transferring colleges, which then snowballs into...

5. Don't read "The Official Preppy Handbook" like it's The Bible.

[Jerry]

... because "The Official Preppy Handbook" is not full of contradictions and bad advice.

[michelle]

I also own "The Official Hipster Handbook," but it's not as sound as "Preppy." Plus, I was already 30 and I think the damage was done.

[Jerry]

"The Official Hipster Handbook"

otherwise known as A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers.

ZING! I am a ninja with the rejoinders today!

[michelle]

Mr. Rickles -

I have that one too - but I argue that any book about subsequent tragedies that befalls a young family AND also features a drawing of a stapler is okay by me.

Signed,
Sheeple in Chicago